[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[3.0s] And you hear the roar of a dragon as Cuth has come home.
[9.0s] You guys have all found where you're hiding.
[11.0s] You hear multiple sets of footsteps coming down the hall.
[14.0s] The alarm has gone off quite a while ago.
[16.0s] Quick, swift strike.
[18.0s] You cleave his head off and the helmeted skull clangs to the ground.
[24.0s] It's just you're in a room of gore now.
[26.0s] I love it.
[28.0s] If you want to get out of the gore, you have to get on top of the bed though.
[32.0s] Hey, oh, hey, behind the statue, there's a bunch of gold in here.
[38.0s] Guys, do you think this might be Cuth's treasure hoard?
[42.0s] Could be.
[43.0s] Seems like it.
[44.0s] Flint, you are crossing the room to retrieve this crossbow.
[47.0s] Nularaaaa, you are walking over to the globe.
[50.0s] As you are crossing the room, you see a ripple in the water.
[54.0s] Ripple.
[56.0s] And emerging from the water is a giant green dragon with a elven male sitting on its back.
[67.0s] Fuck.
[68.0s] The dragon lets forth its poison breath.
[70.0s] Neren Bane jumps off of his back and Cuth flies up to the wall.
[75.0s] We know your dad.
[76.0s] He's really disappointed in you.
[79.0s] My father doesn't know what's coming to him.
[82.0s] So, Cuth hops down and eyes up Nularaaaa.
[88.0s] Of course he does.
[90.0s] Cuth lets forth his poison breath.
[92.0s] Nularaaaa, you see drop to the ground.
[94.0s] Hey friends, I'm dead.
[96.0s] Cuth's turn.
[97.0s] He hears the call from Neren Bane and he flies down to Neren Bane.
[102.0s] You may have won this battle, but the war is knocking at your door.
[108.0s] Cuth dives into the lake and disappears.
[112.0s] Thaddeus runs over to Nularaaaa and casts Revivify.
[117.0s] Yay!
[119.0s] Knowing that you came close to death, you will have to fight again even harder
[124.0s] to make sure the Cult of the Dragon does not achieve their goal.
[130.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[132.0s] We are a fifth edition actual play podcast.
[135.0s] I am your dungeon master Russ More and with me today with a lovely cough is Amy More.
[139.0s] Hey!
[141.0s] Yeah, sorry about this.
[143.0s] I just couldn't cancel on you guys.
[146.0s] So, I'm going to force you to listen to my horribleness.
[149.0s] Love you.
[150.0s] We'll try and edit out much of it.
[152.0s] We'll see.
[153.0s] Also with us, Carla Johnson.
[156.0s] Cough Johnson.
[158.0s] Calm Lonson.
[160.0s] Calm Lonson.
[162.0s] Tarla Johnson.
[164.0s] Carla Johnson.
[166.0s] That's me.
[167.0s] I play Nularaaaa Moonbrook.
[169.0s] And Tom Lair.
[170.0s] That's me.
[171.0s] I play Flint Firebeard.
[173.0s] That's me, says Italian Tom.
[176.0s] Spicy beard.
[177.0s] Hey guys.
[178.0s] How are you doing over there?
[179.0s] Not in cough zone.
[181.0s] I'm doing real good here, Russ.
[183.0s] I don't know why Tom just said that's a spicy beard, but I liked it.
[186.0s] I liked it.
[187.0s] Well, because he's got a red beard, right?
[189.0s] Yeah.
[190.0s] It's spicy.
[191.0s] It's spicy, I guess.
[192.0s] Beard.
[193.0s] It's the spice of life.
[194.0s] It's the spice of life.
[196.0s] That's the old saying.
[197.0s] Next month is Women in Table Topping, Table Topping Gaming Month.
[201.0s] No.
[202.0s] Women in Table Topping Gaming Month.
[204.0s] Table Topping Gaming Monthing.
[206.0s] It's women who go around and they flip tables at different establishments.
[211.0s] And just yell women.
[213.0s] And they like checkers and monopoly.
[217.0s] And it's just everywhere.
[218.0s] Let's do the game.
[219.0s] This is like a super fun bonus web video.
[221.0s] Yes.
[222.0s] Totally.
[223.0s] Just Amy and I going to random places.
[225.0s] Just going to different women.
[227.0s] Sounds amazing.
[229.0s] I'm in.
[230.0s] So that's what our bonus episodes are going to be.
[232.0s] It's just Carla and Amy.
[234.0s] Maybe Tom's tagging along too.
[235.0s] Well, Tom has to be my videographer.
[237.0s] Somebody needs to have the camera.
[239.0s] This is all put on by our good friend David Ginsburg from the Tales from the Fandom podcast.
[243.0s] And it's a month long celebration of women in tabletop gaming.
[247.0s] So Amy and Carla will be recording as DMs their very own one-shot episodes with us.
[255.0s] So four EPS that month.
[257.0s] Two regular and two bonuses.
[259.0s] It's crazy.
[261.0s] Well, and there will be a Patreon episode that month too.
[263.0s] And a Patreon episode.
[265.0s] So if you're a patron in June, you get five episodes from us.
[269.0s] You're going to be so sick of us.
[271.0s] Who planned this out?
[273.0s] You'll be so happy.
[275.0s] I got to edit all those episodes.
[277.0s] Quick, let's get to this episode so I can go work.
[279.0s] You can see the look on Russ's face right now.
[281.0s] He is terrified.
[283.0s] No, it'll be fine.
[285.0s] Fuck it, guys.
[287.0s] Let's play some D&D.
[289.0s] So you guys are standing in the middle of Cooth's Lair.
[291.0s] The vines and the thorny bushes are starting to wither away.
[297.0s] I light one on fire just because I'm pissed off.
[301.0s] Yeah, totally.
[303.0s] I'm pissed off.
[305.0s] Burst into flames.
[307.0s] And you're just in this room.
[309.0s] What are you doing?
[311.0s] Can I try and figure out what my globe is?
[315.0s] Uh huh.
[317.0s] Like right now?
[319.0s] You want to figure that out right now?
[321.0s] I think I actually, because dragons are one of my favorite enemies,
[325.0s] I think I actually get like no shit about them.
[329.0s] You know.
[331.0s] I know shit.
[333.0s] Okay, I'm trying to uh,
[335.0s] I have advantage on intelligence checks about them.
[341.0s] But if this isn't about them, that's fine.
[343.0s] I wouldn't say it's directly related to the dragon itself.
[349.0s] Okay.
[351.0s] Am I doing investigation?
[353.0s] Yeah, do an investigation check.
[355.0s] That's 17.
[357.0s] I want it to check in case,
[359.0s] like what if it's like,
[361.0s] I just like crack it open and everyone's healed to like and gets 10 extra hit points.
[365.0s] You know, like those kind of things you put in game for us.
[369.0s] Not really.
[371.0s] Just in case.
[373.0s] It's probably just like a fog machine for our next party.
[377.0s] Oh, that would be amazing.
[379.0s] That would be.
[381.0s] Although you know it would have started to fog as soon as like the dragon came in from the water, right?
[385.0s] That's true.
[387.0s] Yeah.
[389.0s] And it's like bluetooth hooked up to is like stereo.
[391.0s] Yeah.
[393.0s] I'm not sure why Eye of the Tiger is coming up.
[395.0s] Hey, of course it is.
[397.0s] The dragon had to get pumped to come kill us.
[399.0s] Yeah.
[401.0s] You're looking over this globe and it's dusty you'd say because it's been sitting in a dragon's hoard for probably quite some time.
[409.0s] And you run your hands along it and you kind of clear away some of that dirt and dust.
[413.0s] And you feel what is a bit of an inscription and you clear it away and you see a word.
[421.0s] What word do you see?
[423.0s] Probably the best word that I know, which is dragon's lair.
[435.0s] Oh, she did a fake cough and it set off like some real, real, real coughs.
[441.0s] I'm going to fix something.
[443.0s] It says banana.
[445.0s] That's my go-to word always.
[447.0s] It doesn't say dragon's lair, are you sure?
[449.0s] Are you sure it's not a ball that when you throw it at a dragon it like, I don't know, slays it or something?
[453.0s] That can't be what it is.
[455.0s] Oh God, if it is then that's amazing.
[457.0s] Because wouldn't he steal something that would harm him to keep it safe in his lair?
[461.0s] That's true.
[463.0s] You've heard of sleigh bells before.
[465.0s] This is just a sleigh ball.
[467.0s] So yeah, the inscription in fact is banana.
[471.0s] Do you say that word out loud?
[475.0s] Like what does Nulara do when she sees the word banana inscribed on this very crystalline globe?
[481.0s] I probably spell it out loud.
[483.0s] B-A-N-A-N-A.
[487.0s] It's probably what I do.
[489.0s] B-A-N-A-N-A.
[495.0s] This shit is banana.
[497.0s] This globe is banana.
[499.0s] So when you say this shit is banana, the globe lights up around you and it illuminates the room 60 feet around you.
[507.0s] Oh, it's a light ball.
[509.0s] I just poisoned all of us and I die again.
[511.0s] No, it's a light ball.
[513.0s] It's like a little flashlight for you, but you have to say banana out loud so you feel ridiculous every time you use it.
[519.0s] Banana!
[521.0s] You're like a minion.
[523.0s] You know as a drift globe.
[527.0s] For drifters.
[529.0s] As you're holding it now begins to hover in front of you.
[533.0s] Fucking sweet.
[535.0s] Hey guys, I can see in the dark now.
[537.0s] You're just like us now.
[539.0s] I can't. I can make light.
[541.0s] So that is very different than seeing in the dark.
[543.0s] But doesn't making light mean you could see in the dark?
[547.0s] But you guys can just see in the dark and stay in the dark and walk? Secretly?
[551.0s] Whereas I have a glowing orb in front of me, which is less sneaky.
[555.0s] That lights up 60 feet.
[557.0s] That's a lot of space too.
[559.0s] So yeah, the drift globe hovers so it doesn't move by itself, but you can place it and then move it yourself.
[569.0s] As long as it's active.
[571.0s] Now can you turn it off by also saying banana?
[575.0s] No, you have to say banana backwards.
[577.0s] And an ab.
[581.0s] Phew, I'm glad I picked banana.
[583.0s] That's an easy word to say backwards.
[585.0s] This has gotten away from us I think.
[589.0s] You say an ab and it doesn't turn off.
[593.0s] I say banana.
[595.0s] Does it turn off?
[597.0s] And then it turns off.
[599.0s] Hey guys, I found a cool glowing orb.
[601.0s] So I'm totally fine that I just died because I've got this cool thing now.
[605.0s] It's your consolation prize.
[607.0s] Flamikins Kins has run over to the hoard areas and she's like, guys, there's some cool shit over here.
[615.0s] Do we have time to like look around?
[617.0s] Yeah, girl, we got time.
[621.0s] I think I have some that poison gas.
[625.0s] It's stuck in there.
[627.0s] Is anyone else noticing this lingering?
[629.0s] Yeah, he hit you real hard.
[631.0s] Thaddeus comes up and he's like, are you alright?
[633.0s] I'm fine.
[635.0s] What kind of stuff do we see?
[637.0s] Everybody make an investigation check and see if you see things.
[639.0s] Excuse me.
[641.0s] Five.
[643.0s] Six.
[645.0s] Eighteen.
[647.0s] Well, Flint's going to do well.
[649.0s] Flamikins Kins gets a fucking 20.
[653.0s] Damn.
[655.0s] I should probably roll for Thaddeus.
[657.0s] Seven for Thaddeus.
[659.0s] Well, it's not like you're out there and you're hunting around and rooting around and it takes you a little while.
[663.0s] But you all come out with something that you find interesting.
[667.0s] So all in all, Nulara, you come out with what looks like an old dirt covered rusty greatsword.
[675.0s] The hilt of it, though, was what caught your eye.
[679.0s] It's engraved very intricately with the face of a dragon.
[685.0s] You had found that crossbow and a quiver, which I had written down had seven arrows.
[689.0s] You spent four of those shooting things.
[691.0s] So just so you know.
[693.0s] But I went and picked them all up afterwards, right?
[695.0s] Yeah.
[697.0s] Whatever didn't stick into the dragon.
[699.0s] I don't know if anything actually did stick.
[701.0s] I don't think I did hit him.
[703.0s] Fair enough.
[705.0s] Flint, you find three different potions.
[707.0s] You find a potion.
[709.0s] The first one is a red liquid with a sliver of something very small you notice floating in it.
[717.0s] You find one that has a yellow liquid and you find another one that has a red liquid.
[725.0s] But as you kind of move it around, it Glimers when it's shaken or agitated.
[730.0s] Like someone just dumped a bunch of glitter in there?
[732.0s] Yeah, not like glitter, but like there's an almost iridescence to the surface of the fluid itself.
[738.0s] Thea, you come out with a pair of boots that look very fancy.
[744.0s] Are they made for walking?
[746.0s] You don't know.
[748.0s] That's just what I'll do.
[750.0s] But you kind of like the looks of them.
[752.0s] They're very well made.
[754.0s] What are they made of? Leather?
[756.0s] Oh yeah, very nice handmade leather.
[758.0s] What color are they?
[760.0s] Brown.
[762.0s] Very nice brown.
[764.0s] Any design on them?
[766.0s] No, it's kind of got this emblazoning of a windy, cloudy scene that goes up the leg.
[777.0s] Are they thigh highs?
[779.0s] These are some fancy boots.
[781.0s] Thea likes it.
[783.0s] Thea puts them into her bag of holding.
[786.0s] Thea writes down, fancy ass boots.
[788.0s] Yeah, you did.
[790.0s] Thaddeus comes out with another potion, which is a clear potion.
[798.0s] But the longer you look at it, there's a small drop of red in it that seems to expand and contract over time.
[808.0s] That freaks me out.
[810.0s] Little beating heart potion.
[813.0s] He also finds...
[815.0s] Like whose blood is that?
[817.0s] He also finds a lovely silk robe that is gold and brighter that he fancies himself.
[824.0s] I run up to him and I snatch it and I go, it's mine.
[826.0s] No, it's mine.
[828.0s] You can't have it. I found it.
[830.0s] It doesn't fit you anyways.
[832.0s] It's a robe.
[834.0s] It's broader in the shoulders.
[836.0s] It's a man robe.
[838.0s] Thea's upset. She gives the robe back to him.
[842.0s] That's so rude, man.
[845.0s] Flamikins comes out and she has found a carved bone statuette.
[851.0s] And shows it to everybody.
[853.0s] I don't know who this is. It's some lady.
[856.0s] And she shows it to you and everybody make a history check if you take a look at it.
[860.0s] Is it a standard lady?
[863.0s] Is it Marge?
[865.0s] We'll find out depending on your rolls.
[866.0s] History?
[867.0s] No, 10.
[868.0s] 12.
[869.0s] I have fucking plus 6.
[870.0s] 18 for Thaddeus.
[872.0s] Yeah, Nularaaaa and Thaddeus recognize this as Eldeth, the goddess of waterfalls.
[879.0s] Haven't ever heard of her before.
[881.0s] No.
[882.0s] Totally new goddess name to me.
[885.0s] As you continue to hunt around Nularaaaa, you also find a red potion, one that Glimers when shaken just like one of flints there.
[896.0s] Is there one of those like boop boops?
[900.0s] Like a little scanner we can go boop boop and like run all these items under?
[905.0s] Like for a wedding registry?
[907.0s] Like a find your price at Walmart?
[910.0s] Yeah, exactly.
[911.0s] Like it'll just like give us some info on these items or no?
[915.0s] There's probably an imposter carry we can take them to maybe.
[919.0s] Okay. Just thought I'd ask.
[921.0s] I don't know how organized Cooth is.
[923.0s] Maybe he's got a real system here.
[926.0s] Got QR codes on everything.
[928.0s] Thaddeus just kind of shakes his head at whatever is happening right now.
[934.0s] Okay.
[935.0s] Other than that, you find some various maces and swords and daggers, but nothing that really looks of any extra value.
[945.0s] Except for all the treasure around.
[946.0s] Yeah.
[947.0s] Like there's all that treasure too.
[948.0s] Oh yeah, yeah, 100%.
[950.0s] Are you taking in your bag of holding whatever treasure you can fit?
[954.0s] Is that what's happening?
[955.0s] Well, not whatever treasure I can fit.
[957.0s] It's always good to have just a little extra room in your bag of holding.
[961.0s] But yeah, I take a ton of treasure.
[963.0s] This horde looks like kind of like a side horde, like because of all the attacks happening.
[970.0s] Maybe this was where he set up base recently, but this is not his horde.
[973.0s] He's got different hordes and different area codes.
[975.0s] Can I dive through it?
[983.0s] Like Scrooge McTag?
[985.0s] Sure.
[986.0s] You can try.
[987.0s] It's going to hurt.
[988.0s] Among the small horde, there are 10 gold trade bars from Baldur's Gate, which somebody had seen.
[996.0s] I saw those.
[998.0s] There are 10 platinum pieces, 120 gold pieces, 2,400 silver pieces and 8,000 copper pieces.
[1009.0s] I take everything worth gold and higher.
[1012.0s] I'm not going to nickel and dime the place.
[1015.0s] He'll come back and be like, everything is gone.
[1018.0s] Maybe I do want to take everything.
[1019.0s] Maybe I want to be like, yeah, fuck you.
[1021.0s] And then I carve fuck you into the wall.
[1023.0s] We're going to leave the silver and copper for the elven prisoners.
[1028.0s] They can take that back.
[1029.0s] Sure.
[1030.0s] Yeah, those elven prisoners.
[1031.0s] I think they're all dead.
[1033.0s] We're going to find out.
[1034.0s] I guess we should like we're just milling around in this room.
[1037.0s] So what's our plan of getting out of here?
[1041.0s] What do you want to do?
[1043.0s] My pockets are full.
[1044.0s] Let's go back the way we came and see if any of those elves who are being held prisoner are still alive.
[1051.0s] Prisoner slash being guards.
[1053.0s] Yeah, I think that's probably a good idea.
[1055.0s] I saw.
[1056.0s] I heard a lot of screaming.
[1058.0s] Yeah, I'm not.
[1059.0s] I'm not hopeful, but we should at least look.
[1063.0s] Plus, that's the exit anyway.
[1065.0s] So what order are we going in?
[1067.0s] Oh, God, I'm tired of dying.
[1070.0s] I didn't say you're dying.
[1072.0s] It's a very fine, fine hallway, very narrow hallway.
[1078.0s] I'm not saying you're dying.
[1080.0s] You're implying that I could.
[1083.0s] All right, so Nularaaa is in the middle.
[1086.0s] Thea will be last.
[1088.0s] So you guys head back out the way you came.
[1091.0s] And as you get closer to the main entry area where you were, you hear the grumbling sounds of ogre type of ogre type creatures.
[1103.0s] Oh yeah, those dinks.
[1105.0s] Yeah, you just hear grunting and grumbling and yelling.
[1108.0s] Can we try to sneak by?
[1110.0s] Can we try to pass without a trace?
[1114.0s] Sure.
[1116.0s] Yeah, OK, so I cast pass without a trace and we'll try and be sneaky.
[1122.0s] Everybody roll a stealth.
[1126.0s] That must have been really great.
[1127.0s] Twenty five.
[1128.0s] Twenty seven.
[1132.0s] Twenty one.
[1133.0s] Nineteen.
[1134.0s] Delaine and Laska too.
[1136.0s] Did you fuck it up for us?
[1138.0s] Laska got really good.
[1140.0s] But as you guys are walking out, Delaine like kicks a rock.
[1146.0s] And no one notices.
[1148.0s] And screams so loud because otherwise it's like a rock.
[1152.0s] Oh shit.
[1153.0s] My toe.
[1154.0s] Which draws the attention of the Etans and they say, hey over there, you guys, you got his stuff, didn't you?
[1166.0s] Russ just wanted to do the Etan voice again.
[1168.0s] I did.
[1170.0s] It was pretty fun.
[1172.0s] No, we didn't take anything.
[1174.0s] Roll a deception.
[1175.0s] You don't get plus ten on that.
[1177.0s] Oh, fuck off.
[1178.0s] I got an eleven plus a deception.
[1183.0s] Two.
[1184.0s] He got a nat 20 on its insight.
[1186.0s] This is the most insightful he's ever been.
[1189.0s] Yes, I am the smartest one of all.
[1193.0s] And I know that nobody goes in.
[1198.0s] I mean, I'm surprised you came out alive.
[1200.0s] But nobody goes into the dragon hoard and comes out with nothing.
[1204.0s] And they pull their.
[1206.0s] Are you saying that you have gone in to the dragon's hoard and taken things on your way out?
[1213.0s] We were about to.
[1216.0s] That is extremely unethical.
[1218.0s] You notice one of them is by up to its waist in the pool trying to figure out how to get underneath where the dragon had come out.
[1226.0s] So we were we were going to.
[1229.0s] Dragon left in a big huff.
[1231.0s] He's not coming back.
[1233.0s] Ever?
[1234.0s] Fuck who cares?
[1235.0s] We'll be long gone.
[1236.0s] Well, we we didn't take everything.
[1240.0s] Yeah, help yourself.
[1241.0s] Get in there.
[1243.0s] Get in there, man.
[1244.0s] You know what?
[1245.0s] You've been working your ass off for this guy.
[1247.0s] You go in there.
[1248.0s] You take his treasure.
[1249.0s] Yeah, I feel I feel like I want to squish her.
[1253.0s] No, no.
[1254.0s] And I throw a gold bar at them.
[1256.0s] They say we left more back there.
[1258.0s] They're too heavy to carry.
[1260.0s] It bends down and picks it up and looks at it.
[1262.0s] And it's like, OK, you took one.
[1264.0s] That means you probably have more.
[1266.0s] I still want to squish you.
[1268.0s] No, I said they're too heavy.
[1270.0s] Do I look like a strong creature to you?
[1272.0s] It charges towards you.
[1276.0s] Roll for an issue.
[1277.0s] Nah, I tried, guys.
[1280.0s] Nineteen.
[1281.0s] Twenty.
[1283.0s] Twenty.
[1284.0s] Thirteen for me, Russ.
[1286.0s] Oh, and three for Thaddeus.
[1288.0s] You want to roll off, Carla?
[1290.0s] Oh, did you get a twenty as well?
[1291.0s] I got a twenty.
[1292.0s] OK.
[1293.0s] And then I rolled a five.
[1294.0s] OK.
[1295.0s] I got I rolled a three, but do I add again?
[1298.0s] So then eleven.
[1299.0s] Flame Ekin's got a four, so you can put her down by five.
[1301.0s] Flame Ekin's got a four.
[1303.0s] We'll wait until the first wave comes and then we'll go get them.
[1308.0s] So the ettins are up first.
[1310.0s] Fuck.
[1311.0s] Kiss my ass.
[1312.0s] One is like stuck in the pool.
[1314.0s] She's like trying to get out, but he looks like he's kind of caught by something.
[1319.0s] The main ettin charges at Thea because she was talking shit.
[1325.0s] And they get to make two attacks, one with their battle axe and one with their morning star.
[1330.0s] Great.
[1331.0s] Battle axe.
[1332.0s] That's my favorite combo.
[1333.0s] That's a seventeen.
[1334.0s] Well, that will hit me, I guess.
[1336.0s] And a seventeen.
[1339.0s] Yes.
[1340.0s] So with the battle axe, that's eight slashing damage and then sixteen piercing damage.
[1346.0s] Whoa.
[1348.0s] That's a good roll.
[1349.0s] The other one charges forward with quite surprising speed for such big creatures towards Flint.
[1358.0s] Oh, that's a twenty five on the first one and a twenty not critical on the second one.
[1364.0s] Sure.
[1365.0s] So for the battle axe, seventeen slashing damage and then thirteen piercing damage.
[1375.0s] Okay.
[1376.0s] And then it is Nularaaaa's turn.
[1378.0s] Great.
[1379.0s] Well, I'm going to pull out Flametongue, say Mui Caliente, so that it's all lit up
[1387.0s] and ready to go.
[1389.0s] And I guess whatever one is closest to me.
[1393.0s] Yeah, I'd probably say the one that attacked Thea.
[1396.0s] Okay.
[1397.0s] Then I'm going for that one.
[1399.0s] Wait, it's technically the last in the line there, so.
[1403.0s] That is a twenty, not critical.
[1408.0s] Battle hit.
[1409.0s] Okay.
[1410.0s] So that is eleven damage on that one.
[1415.0s] Going to take another swing at him.
[1417.0s] That is a twenty five.
[1420.0s] That is ten damage on that one.
[1424.0s] Donnie will come in for a little chompy chomp.
[1429.0s] Donnie got a twenty, not critical.
[1432.0s] And he gets three damage.
[1436.0s] And they have to do a con saving throw.
[1440.0s] I hope this is one he knocks unconscious because it's cute.
[1443.0s] Oh, and that's a fifteen.
[1445.0s] Yeah, okay.
[1446.0s] He's fine.
[1447.0s] Would have been dramatic, though.
[1448.0s] Okay, I'm going to hit the one that hit me.
[1450.0s] Yeah.
[1451.0s] I'm going to hit it with Toll the Dead, which means he's going to get 2d12 necrotic
[1456.0s] damage and he needs a wizard.
[1458.0s] So the creature that is within my range, the fucker on me, is we they're going to hear
[1466.0s] the sound of a delorious bell.
[1468.0s] I don't think that's Dolores.
[1470.0s] Thought you were going to say Delorean.
[1472.0s] Me too.
[1473.0s] I was like, wow, I didn't know we had those in this universe.
[1477.0s] It fills the air around it for a moment and the target must succeed on a wisdom saving
[1482.0s] throw.
[1483.0s] Ten.
[1484.0s] Yeah, that's not it.
[1485.0s] He must take 2d12 necrotic damage because he's already taken damage.
[1489.0s] Ten damage.
[1492.0s] Flint.
[1493.0s] I would like to roll an insight check on these giants and see if I can figure out
[1501.0s] any weaknesses of theirs, perhaps.
[1503.0s] Sure.
[1505.0s] That is a 16.
[1507.0s] But since I have advantage on insight checks against giants, nope, so that 16 is going
[1513.0s] to have to stand.
[1514.0s] You know that they are very hard to blind, charm, deafen, frighten, stun or knock
[1523.0s] unconscious because they have two heads.
[1525.0s] Okay.
[1526.0s] Go for the bellies.
[1528.0s] As for weaknesses, you know they're big, so they're pretty easy to hit.
[1535.0s] Okay.
[1536.0s] But they have no real...
[1538.0s] So like axes are a weakness or like...
[1542.0s] Slashing, poking, flooding.
[1545.0s] If you have anything that explodes, they're tickling.
[1550.0s] They hate the tickle monster.
[1552.0s] Okay.
[1553.0s] I'm going to use a bonus action and pick the Etten that's fighting me and next time
[1560.0s] I do damage to it, I'm going to add 1d8 force damage to that damage.
[1564.0s] Alright.
[1565.0s] And I'm going to attack them with my axe.
[1567.0s] It's a 22.
[1569.0s] Yeah, we'll hit.
[1570.0s] Excellent.
[1571.0s] 23.
[1572.0s] So you take a big chunk out of this Etten in front of you and he doesn't look too happy
[1580.0s] about that, lets out a bellowing roar.
[1583.0s] Sweet, and I'm also going to use a healing surge because that attack hurt me.
[1588.0s] That's probably a good idea.
[1590.0s] 10 hit points back.
[1592.0s] Also roll a d20 for me.
[1594.0s] Okay.
[1595.0s] That's a 12.
[1598.0s] Yeah, so you're good.
[1601.0s] Okay.
[1602.0s] Laska's turn and Laska says, maybe we should just run.
[1612.0s] Yeah?
[1613.0s] Because the exit's right around that corner there, no?
[1617.0s] They seem like they would be slow to get up that slippery, slippery, slippery.
[1621.0s] I'm into it, let's fucking run.
[1623.0s] Let's do it.
[1624.0s] So Laska, Delaine, Flamekins is like, fuck it, let's do it!
[1629.0s] And she sends out a chaos bolt as she's going.
[1634.0s] She hurls an undulating, warbling mass of chaotic energy at the biggest one.
[1641.0s] I'm going to make a ranged spell attack.
[1643.0s] She gets a 16 and she gets to roll 2d8 plus 1d6 damage.
[1648.0s] Choose one of the d8s.
[1650.0s] The number rolled on that die determines the attack's damage type as shown below
[1655.0s] because it's chaotic.
[1657.0s] Okay, this one.
[1659.0s] So that's 9 damage and it is cold damage.
[1664.0s] So 9 cold damage hurls out at this big behemoth.
[1670.0s] And it's like, uber!
[1673.0s] Uber?
[1674.0s] Uber.
[1675.0s] No one's coming to pick you up.
[1677.0s] So Thaddeus also runs, and then it's the Etton's turn before Nularaaaithea and Flint get to go.
[1684.0s] Bye guys!
[1685.0s] See you later!
[1686.0s] So they've moved their 30 feet or whatever they have.
[1690.0s] Laska's fucking gone.
[1692.0s] If they dash, don't they move further than 30 feet?
[1694.0s] Oh yeah, they move double.
[1695.0s] Well, Flamekins didn't dash.
[1697.0s] Flamekins moving her 25 feet just as fast as she can, hurling bolts of coal out the...
[1704.0s] Dropping bombs behind her.
[1707.0s] So Etton1 is going to swing at Thea.
[1710.0s] One at Thea and one at Nularaaaa.
[1712.0s] Thea, Nularaaaa.
[1715.0s] Thea, that's a 23.
[1717.0s] Nularaaaa, that's a 12.
[1720.0s] Don't roll those.
[1723.0s] Don't roll these d20s for damage.
[1725.0s] 10, 11.
[1727.0s] 12.
[1728.0s] 11 slashing damage for you.
[1730.0s] Flint, you're going to get one of each.
[1732.0s] Okay.
[1733.0s] That's an 18 slashing damage.
[1737.0s] Oh, that does not hit.
[1739.0s] And a 20 piercing damage.
[1741.0s] Oh, that does. Yeah, that definitely does.
[1743.0s] So the piercing damage, that's 11 piercing damage.
[1746.0s] Okay.
[1747.0s] Now it's your guys' turn.
[1749.0s] You are engaged in combat directly.
[1753.0s] So if you decide to run, there could be an opportunity attack with one attack against you.
[1759.0s] You could also disengage.
[1763.0s] Yeah, that thing.
[1764.0s] Yeah.
[1765.0s] The thing you guys use all the time.
[1767.0s] Definitely.
[1768.0s] All your other attack options.
[1769.0s] Definitely.
[1770.0s] Hide, run.
[1774.0s] So combat, disengage.
[1776.0s] No one wants to listen to a group of people who are like, yeah, I'm just going to hide.
[1779.0s] Sometimes it's okay not to back.
[1781.0s] I'm just going to run from my problems, guys.
[1783.0s] If you take the disengage action, your movement doesn't provoke opportunity attacks for the rest of turn.
[1788.0s] So can you disengage and then run?
[1790.0s] Yep.
[1791.0s] Because that's an action.
[1793.0s] How far?
[1794.0s] Can I swing my axe, then disengage, then run?
[1797.0s] Well, you guys have two attacks, or two, well, I mean, yeah, you guys have two actions.
[1804.0s] You have one single action.
[1806.0s] Yeah, so I'll disengage and run, but you guys can do some damage.
[1810.0s] Okay, but we could do one more attack and then run, and then disengage.
[1815.0s] How far are we from the entrance?
[1817.0s] From the entrance, you can presume you're about 120 feet from the main entrance.
[1822.0s] It's two dashes.
[1824.0s] That's a double dash.
[1825.0s] But I can't dash on this one if I disengage.
[1828.0s] If you attack and disengage, you can't dash.
[1832.0s] But if we just disengage, then we can dash.
[1835.0s] That still only gets me 60, right?
[1837.0s] And these dudes are big dudes, like they probably have more movement than us.
[1841.0s] Okay, I guess I would, it seems like, okay, I'm going to attack the one that I was already fighting.
[1849.0s] Okay.
[1850.0s] That's the short answer.
[1852.0s] That is a 21.
[1853.0s] Yeah, 21 will hit.
[1855.0s] That's 14 damage.
[1857.0s] Going to attack it again.
[1859.0s] That is 29.
[1863.0s] Assume that hits.
[1865.0s] 16 damage.
[1868.0s] So if I move away, then I can, then I'll be, they could take an opportunity attack?
[1873.0s] Yeah.
[1874.0s] Okay.
[1875.0s] Well, I guess I'm in it to win it.
[1878.0s] We've, I was going to say, Flint tries to bite him.
[1883.0s] Flint doesn't try and bite him.
[1885.0s] I mean, he bite.
[1886.0s] He hasn't had his turn yet.
[1888.0s] Donnie is going to try.
[1890.0s] Donnie only got a 13.
[1892.0s] 13 hits.
[1893.0s] Whoa.
[1894.0s] Well, they are easy to hit.
[1895.0s] He said they're big.
[1896.0s] It's true.
[1898.0s] So that is six damage and he needs to do a con save.
[1905.0s] Come on, one.
[1907.0s] I think giants have pretty low con.
[1909.0s] Yeah.
[1911.0s] It's a nine.
[1913.0s] Okay, then he is poisoned.
[1916.0s] Okay.
[1918.0s] So he falls unconscious for one hour until he takes damage or another creature shakes
[1928.0s] him awake.
[1929.0s] You take your two huge cuts out of him and he gets bitten by Donnie and the eyes glaze
[1938.0s] over on both heads, I think.
[1940.0s] Yeah, sure.
[1941.0s] Wouldn't that be awkward if only half his body fell asleep?
[1944.0s] He'd be like pins and needles and the head's like lolling to the side.
[1948.0s] Yeah, he falls asleep and he falls to the ground.
[1952.0s] Odds are evens.
[1953.0s] Which way does he fall?
[1955.0s] Is he going to fall in the water and drown?
[1959.0s] I think he's going to fall on one of us.
[1961.0s] Odds will be forward.
[1962.0s] Evens will be back.
[1965.0s] So he falls backwards.
[1967.0s] So he doesn't land on me.
[1969.0s] He doesn't land on you.
[1971.0s] Hooray!
[1972.0s] Also, Donnie is fucking jazzed, by the way.
[1977.0s] So what does he sound like?
[1978.0s] He's super excited.
[1979.0s] He just took you on a giant.
[1981.0s] Guys, guys, did you see what I did there?
[1983.0s] I knocked out that fucking giant there.
[1985.0s] Oh, he didn't see what was happening.
[1987.0s] Shit.
[1988.0s] Let's get the fuck out of here.
[1991.0s] You did shit, Donnie.
[1993.0s] Phew.
[1994.0s] Thea, you're up.
[1995.0s] So the one that you were attacking is now down.
[1998.0s] So you no longer have that opportunity.
[2000.0s] I'm going to pick him, but I won't.
[2002.0s] Because he'll just wake up.
[2004.0s] Thea's like, take that, sucker.
[2006.0s] Oh, fuck.
[2008.0s] So I can dash.
[2010.0s] You can now dash.
[2012.0s] Can I take a healing surge and dash?
[2014.0s] Yeah, because we pretty much treat that as a bonus action.
[2017.0s] Okie dokie.
[2018.0s] Flint, your turn, bud.
[2020.0s] Okay, so there's one down and the one that attacked me before that I also hit is right in front of me still?
[2026.0s] You betcha.
[2027.0s] Okay, I'll lay into it with my axe a couple times.
[2030.0s] I have a question. Is there one still in the pool?
[2032.0s] Like, how the fuck do I get out of here?
[2034.0s] He's been trying to get out.
[2035.0s] It's a 23.
[2036.0s] It's like slippery surface.
[2037.0s] 23 I'll hit.
[2038.0s] Okay.
[2041.0s] 16, damage.
[2044.0s] That hurt.
[2046.0s] I was going to say, he's burdenating the countryside.
[2050.0s] He's burdenating the countryside?
[2052.0s] Alright, this one's a 19.
[2054.0s] So that should hit, if I remember correctly.
[2056.0s] Oh, crit fail, but it wants a 1.
[2059.0s] But I get to roll it again because of my special skills.
[2062.0s] 19.
[2064.0s] Everybody else continues to dash outside.
[2068.0s] They've made it around the corner.
[2070.0s] They didn't like look back and throw some spells to help us?
[2073.0s] No.
[2074.0s] They're fucked up.
[2075.0s] Just peaced out.
[2077.0s] Yeah, no, they're making their way.
[2079.0s] They're assuming that you're following behind.
[2081.0s] They're solely focused on getting out.
[2083.0s] The Etans turn.
[2086.0s] The one in the pond is like, guys, I'm trying to get out, but I'm tied by the seaweed.
[2092.0s] The other one's like, fuck off, Harold.
[2098.0s] Poor Harold.
[2100.0s] I'm not Harold.
[2102.0s] I'm Carl.
[2103.0s] Because they have two heads.
[2109.0s] I thought we'd already bailed on the two head concederas.
[2112.0s] No, I'm working on it now.
[2114.0s] But the other one swings at you.
[2116.0s] One's a crit 20.
[2118.0s] Oh, yeah.
[2119.0s] The other one's a 19 plus 7.
[2121.0s] So that's going to hit.
[2122.0s] Yeah, those will both hit.
[2124.0s] Yeah, so first is first is your crit battleaxe.
[2131.0s] It's a good song.
[2133.0s] Slashing damage.
[2137.0s] 12 more piercing damage from that good old morning star coming down on you.
[2141.0s] Okay.
[2142.0s] I'm real hurt.
[2144.0s] It's a gun morning star.
[2146.0s] It's an exploding morning star.
[2149.0s] Lara, did you run away?
[2151.0s] No, you were in battle.
[2153.0s] I'm still there.
[2155.0s] You are not in direct combat at this point.
[2157.0s] Oh, yeah, right, because he fell asleep.
[2159.0s] But you are standing beside Flint who is taking morning stars.
[2164.0s] Gun morning star damage.
[2165.0s] Fair.
[2166.0s] Is it just the two of us again?
[2169.0s] Just the two of us.
[2171.0s] We can make it if we try.
[2174.0s] Maybe.
[2175.0s] There's your song.
[2176.0s] I want to sing a song too.
[2180.0s] Shut up, Carl.
[2182.0s] Okay, well, I guess I'm going to help my friend.
[2185.0s] Yay.
[2186.0s] I don't like that exploding morning star on him.
[2190.0s] That is an 18.
[2193.0s] Yep.
[2194.0s] It's 10 damage.
[2196.0s] Second attack is a 20.
[2200.0s] Not critical.
[2202.0s] 20 damage.
[2204.0s] 20 is much better when you don't roll two ones.
[2210.0s] 20 damage?
[2211.0s] 20 damage.
[2212.0s] Yeah, so how do you kill this Etten?
[2214.0s] Yeah.
[2215.0s] Oh, it's so fun.
[2217.0s] How tall are they?
[2218.0s] They're real tall, right?
[2220.0s] Yeah, they're large giants.
[2222.0s] So they're another person taller than you.
[2227.0s] You could use me as some sort of jumping stool.
[2231.0s] Because I have this amazing vertical leap.
[2233.0s] I was going to say I cut off one of his legs below the knee so he falls and then I chop off a head.
[2241.0s] I'm a big fan of beheading at all times.
[2244.0s] But I got to get him down to my level because he's so much bigger than me.
[2248.0s] I like it.
[2249.0s] So I de-legged and de-headed him.
[2251.0s] That's perfect.
[2253.0s] So that happens and the other Etten calls out.
[2255.0s] He's like, I'm coming.
[2258.0s] And you see slowly kind of making his way out of the pond.
[2263.0s] What do you do?
[2264.0s] I'm going to take a healing surge as I run.
[2267.0s] Are you two running too?
[2269.0s] Yeah, let's just fucking push it.
[2272.0s] So yeah, you guys make your way up and out.
[2276.0s] And you are back out in the clearing outside the waterfall.
[2282.0s] As we ran out of this place, did we not see any of the captured elves?
[2287.0s] Yeah, no other elves, eh?
[2288.0s] You just fucking ran.
[2289.0s] You didn't go down into the...
[2291.0s] It's true.
[2292.0s] We kind of got stopped as soon as we got into that main chamber.
[2295.0s] But are there any out here?
[2297.0s] Because they could have also run off.
[2299.0s] So that was the plan, right?
[2300.0s] That they were going to do a distraction and then every elf for themselves.
[2305.0s] Yeah, you don't see any of them.
[2307.0s] You do see some of their weapons that have been dropped.
[2313.0s] But are uncertain as to where the bodies holding those weapons are.
[2319.0s] Weirdly enough, though, we do see the elf on the shelf.
[2323.0s] It's always fucking weird.
[2325.0s] Nerenvane is really cruel and weird.
[2327.0s] So he had an elf on the shelf that he kept hiding around the place.
[2332.0s] And it's kind of fucked up.
[2333.0s] And the one person who spotted him first didn't get eaten that day.
[2336.0s] It was just a fun little game.
[2338.0s] Wow, psychological torture from Nerenvane, that guy.
[2342.0s] Jeez.
[2344.0s] Flammokins pipes up and she's like,
[2346.0s] Hey Flint, what's up with your underwear?
[2353.0s] As she asked that, you hear from the waterfall.
[2356.0s] I'm coming.
[2359.0s] And then the familiar sound, which doesn't sound too familiar,
[2363.0s] but maybe a little familiar to you of a distant horn.
[2368.0s] Blaring air horn, so to speak, or some sort of steam powered engine.
[2375.0s] As the giant stands in the crest in the waterfall
[2379.0s] and you see his face from behind him,
[2383.0s] comes a train that explodes this giant.
[2390.0s] Wow.
[2392.0s] Oh my God.
[2394.0s] What is that?
[2400.0s] What is that?
[2402.0s] They're hilarious, aren't they?
[2404.0s] Hey there, I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
[2406.0s] Thank you for joining us for episode 39 of Dumbgeons and Dragons,
[2409.0s] titled On The Way Out.
[2411.0s] Another way you can support, as always,
[2413.0s] is directly by joining our Patreon community
[2415.0s] at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2418.0s] We have monthly gook hangs, holiday cards,
[2420.0s] bonus episodes, you get some behind the scenes content,
[2422.0s] you can name an NPC.
[2424.0s] We even have a new higher tier that you can go check out as well.
[2427.0s] Supporting us on Patreon, I mean,
[2429.0s] it makes the show better with each episode
[2431.0s] and we appreciate it so much.
[2433.0s] It allows us to do new cool things for you.
[2435.0s] We hope you'll check it out
[2437.0s] and join us on the road to adventure,
[2439.0s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2441.0s] All of our social media links can be found
[2443.0s] at dumbdragons.com, including the link
[2445.0s] to our Facebook group where you can join,
[2447.0s] answer the questions, and be entered to win
[2449.0s] your very own copy of Mordenkainen's Toma Falls
[2451.0s] on the day it comes out.
[2453.0s] So go check out the website and join,
[2455.0s] follow, or like where you can today.
[2457.0s] Oh, and thank you to Sirenscape
[2459.0s] for some of the amazing atmosphere
[2461.0s] and music in this episode.
[2463.0s] You can check them out at sirenscape.com
[2465.0s] to bring your games to life.
[2467.0s] It just lists your gaming table to a whole other level.
[2469.0s] Links for everything mentioned today
[2471.0s] can be found in the description.
[2473.0s] The next episode will be out May 23rd,
[2475.0s] but let's get back to the action and see where that train's headed.
[2477.0s] Have a great couple of weeks.
[2479.0s] We'll talk to you soon.
[2485.0s] Just kidding.
[2487.0s] I've never seen a train before.
[2489.0s] I have no idea.
[2491.0s] I've never seen anything like that before.
[2493.0s] With the insignia of a giant eye,
[2495.0s] which is the symbol of the
[2497.0s] Guild of the Nine Shadows.
[2501.0s] Well, you guys came up with it.
[2503.0s] It's true, we did.
[2505.0s] I don't remember that.
[2511.0s] It comes out and pulls
[2513.0s] to a stop down in front of you.
[2517.0s] And Delaine and Thaddeus and Flamikinskins are all like
[2519.0s] holy fuck, holy fuck, what the shit?
[2523.0s] Try and pick out who's voice was what.
[2525.0s] Figure it out.
[2527.0s] I think I nailed Flamikinskins, I'm not sure on the other two.
[2529.0s] Yeah, she was the holy fuck.
[2533.0s] The door opens up
[2535.0s] and off steps
[2537.0s] a tall, well-dressed
[2539.0s] older gentleman.
[2541.0s] He's in a gray suit,
[2543.0s] very nice.
[2545.0s] He's got a bushy mustache,
[2547.0s] and a pocket watch
[2549.0s] that he pulls out and cracks open
[2551.0s] right on time, every time there.
[2553.0s] Right here on the train.
[2555.0s] Alright, he tips his gray top hat to you.
[2557.0s] He's like, where do we need to go?
[2559.0s] The North Pole!
[2563.0s] This is the Polar Express, is it not?
[2565.0s] I assume.
[2567.0s] It's Tom Hanks, and it's the Polar Express.
[2571.0s] You're Flinthian
[2573.0s] Nularaaaa, yes?
[2575.0s] Yes.
[2577.0s] Okay, good.
[2579.0s] I was sent here...
[2581.0s] That's not the voice.
[2583.0s] I was sent here...
[2585.0s] No, it was more British.
[2587.0s] Not that British.
[2589.0s] Not cockney British, but...
[2591.0s] Right on time, every time.
[2593.0s] That's the one?
[2595.0s] Little more whimsical, little more elegant,
[2597.0s] little more storyteller.
[2599.0s] Storyteller, where is it?
[2601.0s] My name is Danson.
[2603.0s] Ted Danson?
[2605.0s] We didn't meet the last time you were on the train.
[2607.0s] I don't know a Ted.
[2609.0s] I'm sorry.
[2611.0s] But I've been sent to bring you
[2613.0s] back to the Guild for a little
[2615.0s] stop in visit.
[2617.0s] And then on your way,
[2619.0s] you clearly have some
[2621.0s] business here as he wipes
[2623.0s] some of the blood off of the train.
[2627.0s] But we'll get that cleaned up later.
[2629.0s] Maybe we'll just zip back through
[2631.0s] the waterfall. We'll see.
[2633.0s] That's a good car wash.
[2635.0s] Would we be able to
[2637.0s] stop on by
[2639.0s] Alton? I'm a little concerned
[2641.0s] that that
[2643.0s] might be... You know, like
[2645.0s] we may have just pissed off a dragon and it's
[2647.0s] just gone and burned down an entire village.
[2649.0s] I feel like that's on us.
[2651.0s] True. Most of them were leaving.
[2653.0s] We should still go there, but remember they were all
[2655.0s] kind of evacuating.
[2657.0s] So hopefully... Were they? I felt like
[2659.0s] that was the last town left. Were they all leaving?
[2661.0s] They were leaving. Oh, good. Yes, I'm so glad
[2663.0s] you're right. Okay.
[2665.0s] Yes, yes, yes. We can...
[2667.0s] We have the power of the train. We can swing by
[2669.0s] wherever we want.
[2671.0s] Awesome! Are your friends
[2673.0s] coming? I mean, they
[2675.0s] can come, but
[2677.0s] they're not going to remember.
[2679.0s] Well, we could send Delaine
[2681.0s] back to Waterdeep.
[2683.0s] What do we do with
[2685.0s] the Flamikins?
[2687.0s] Well, she's definitely coming with us, right?
[2689.0s] Is he taking us to the
[2691.0s] council or to the guild first?
[2693.0s] The guild
[2695.0s] first. Where is the guild again?
[2697.0s] Mm-hmm.
[2699.0s] Where are they?
[2701.0s] Where? Do you remember?
[2703.0s] Anybody? I remember.
[2705.0s] I... My...
[2707.0s] I just couldn't remember if that was also
[2709.0s] in Waterdeep, which is where
[2711.0s] Delaine's going. I have it
[2713.0s] in my notes. Give me the first letter.
[2715.0s] The guild is in an unknown location. You don't
[2717.0s] even know the location. Oh, okay. Okay.
[2719.0s] Yeah, hence why we don't remember
[2721.0s] the train trip. Right. You guys don't
[2723.0s] know, because you guys don't actually
[2725.0s] know. Okay. I thought I just couldn't remember.
[2727.0s] Thaddeus and
[2729.0s] Flamikins, you're welcome
[2731.0s] to come with us. Delaine, I
[2733.0s] understand if you want to get
[2735.0s] back to Waterdeep.
[2737.0s] Uh, yeah.
[2739.0s] Or come with us on the train.
[2741.0s] No, no, no.
[2743.0s] Oh, I'm good.
[2745.0s] Okay, I'm going to go this way
[2747.0s] and dance in
[2749.0s] Steps 4. He says, just a moment, sir.
[2751.0s] And he's like, just look. Look into
[2753.0s] my eyes and listen to the sound
[2755.0s] of my voice. And
[2757.0s] he starts to wave his pocket watch back
[2759.0s] and forth, and he says, this is not
[2761.0s] a concern that you'll ever need to
[2763.0s] worry about again. And he snaps
[2765.0s] the pocket watch closed, and
[2767.0s] Delaine
[2769.0s] is kind of just a little bit jarred back.
[2771.0s] And he turns and says, well, I'll
[2773.0s] see you in Waterdeep then.
[2775.0s] And he heads
[2777.0s] off into the woods.
[2779.0s] He is like,
[2781.0s] arm outstretched, just like...
[2783.0s] Russ, if you could pipe
[2785.0s] in that Whitney Houston song
[2787.0s] from The Bodyguard, right about now.
[2789.0s] And...
[2791.0s] Or sing it. Yeah, that works too.
[2793.0s] I don't pipe in. I always
[2795.0s] sing it. I always sing it. Flamikins is
[2797.0s] like, I don't care about your
[2799.0s] underwear anymore, dude. Let's get on this thing.
[2801.0s] I have so many questions
[2803.0s] about why you had questions
[2805.0s] about Flynn's underwear. Because he screamed at the
[2807.0s] dragon, I've got underwear, or don't have underwear.
[2809.0s] Any fucking ways, let's get on
[2811.0s] this boat. Alright!
[2813.0s] I think it's a train.
[2815.0s] Flamikins, I think it's a train.
[2817.0s] I've never seen a train before in my life!
[2819.0s] And she's already scurrying
[2821.0s] up the steps.
[2823.0s] That is like fucking... Alright, yeah, let's do
[2825.0s] this.
[2827.0s] This one leads you to
[2829.0s] a few rooms. Who's bunking with who?
[2831.0s] I'll bunk with Nulara.
[2833.0s] Flamikins,
[2835.0s] you can talk more about
[2837.0s] to Flint
[2839.0s] about his underpants situation.
[2841.0s] Alright,
[2843.0s] let's go talk, bud.
[2845.0s] Sure.
[2847.0s] I'm sorry, but I'm not.
[2849.0s] You're not sorry.
[2851.0s] And Thaddeus takes his own room.
[2853.0s] I figured, you know, it's like 80.
[2855.0s] And
[2857.0s] Danza says, we'll swing right by out in there,
[2859.0s] don't you worry.
[2861.0s] And he goes back up to the front of the train
[2863.0s] and the train begins to pull away.
[2865.0s] We tune in with
[2867.0s] Nulara and Thea, who
[2869.0s] are discussing things.
[2871.0s] Okay, um, Thea is like
[2873.0s] unpacking her shit. So what's going on with
[2875.0s] Delaine? This is what I want to talk about.
[2877.0s] Oh, this is what you want to talk about. I have different things to talk about.
[2879.0s] Oh, do you have real things to talk about?
[2881.0s] Because apparently I want our characters to talk
[2883.0s] about, like, your love life.
[2885.0s] Oh, okay. Thea sits down on one of the
[2887.0s] benches that are in the carriage
[2889.0s] or, like, the, I don't know.
[2891.0s] Oh, they're swanky beds.
[2893.0s] Oh, they're swanky beds. Oh, yeah.
[2895.0s] First class, all the way.
[2897.0s] So Thea, like, sits down on the silk sheets
[2899.0s] and, like, rubs them and
[2901.0s] goes crisscross applesauce and is like,
[2903.0s] well, nothing.
[2905.0s] But
[2907.0s] maybe once
[2909.0s] this is all over, we will
[2911.0s] see each other again if, you know,
[2913.0s] if fate wants it
[2915.0s] to happen. It'll happen. Okay, and no
[2917.0s] judgment, but what about Salazar?
[2919.0s] Are you still, you still
[2921.0s] nothing? Interested? Well, it's just
[2923.0s] it's been a long time since we've seen him.
[2925.0s] Yeah, we'll see what, we'll see what fires
[2927.0s] are rekindled there.
[2929.0s] Okay. I don't know. Um, so
[2931.0s] you, like,
[2933.0s] you, like, kind of, like,
[2935.0s] almost died back there.
[2937.0s] Yeah, that happened.
[2939.0s] Um, here's the thing.
[2941.0s] We're not very good
[2943.0s] at fighting dragons.
[2945.0s] Yeah. We keep trying.
[2947.0s] And our will is strong.
[2949.0s] But our flesh is weak.
[2953.0s] So Thea's like,
[2955.0s] mm, I feel that, but she's thinking
[2957.0s] about something totally.
[2959.0s] So I,
[2961.0s] um, you know,
[2963.0s] we're going to have to
[2965.0s] stop Tiamat.
[2967.0s] And
[2969.0s] Dragon.
[2971.0s] Uh, so that's a bit worrying.
[2973.0s] But, you know,
[2975.0s] I'm sure it'll be fine, right?
[2977.0s] We'll be fine. Yeah.
[2979.0s] I, I think so. And,
[2981.0s] you know, like, if you ever want to talk
[2983.0s] about, you know,
[2985.0s] if you saw anything
[2987.0s] or, like, I'm super curious. Like,
[2989.0s] did you see a light? Like, what,
[2991.0s] what was that like?
[2993.0s] It, it kind of was just
[2995.0s] just, hmm.
[2997.0s] Like, it was Grancis saying, get the
[2999.0s] fuck back there.
[3001.0s] Oh, boy. You're not done yet.
[3003.0s] Boy.
[3009.0s] Oh, God. It's Grancis'
[3011.0s] soul position now is just to kick your
[3013.0s] souls back into your body.
[3015.0s] Oh, if, um, anyone
[3017.0s] could please
[3019.0s] maybe, like, sketch
[3021.0s] us up a little something of Grancis
[3023.0s] like roundhouse kicking Nulara's spirit
[3025.0s] back into her body,
[3027.0s] that would be really fantastic.
[3029.0s] I would put it right,
[3031.0s] right up here with my wolf.
[3033.0s] They can't see where I'm gesturing.
[3035.0s] This is an audio medium. Yeah, they can.
[3037.0s] But I can. You
[3039.0s] can. And it's right up above my head.
[3041.0s] Yes. That's true.
[3043.0s] So that'd be great if someone could do
[3045.0s] that. Um, yeah, Nulara
[3047.0s] can't tell Thea about,
[3049.0s] because you know how Thea feels about Grancis.
[3051.0s] I don't want to. I don't want to tell
[3053.0s] her that's what's waiting for her in the afterlife.
[3055.0s] Oh, shit. Well, I know
[3057.0s] it might be more motivating for Thea
[3059.0s] not to die. I don't want to
[3061.0s] see that motherfucker again.
[3063.0s] I am never dying.
[3065.0s] Uh, Thea goes, can I braids
[3067.0s] your hair? Uh, totally.
[3069.0s] We get
[3071.0s] real girly when it's just the two of us.
[3073.0s] It's true. You know, I feel
[3075.0s] Nulara's a lot softer
[3077.0s] when she doesn't really
[3079.0s] need to be putting on, like, a fighty
[3081.0s] face, like, because it's different. She seems like, yeah.
[3083.0s] Grew up with all those bros,
[3085.0s] right? Like, I'm used to being around dudes.
[3087.0s] So when it's just like me and my girl, we're just
[3089.0s] hanging out. It goes by
[3091.0s] after a little while, goes by
[3093.0s] Altand, and you see that
[3095.0s] the city is, in fact,
[3097.0s] um, evacuated, and
[3099.0s] there's nobody else there.
[3101.0s] It doesn't look like the dragon has come back.
[3103.0s] Like, there's no extra damage from
[3105.0s] when you left. Good. Well, also, we did
[3107.0s] hurt it a fair bit, I think, so
[3109.0s] it probably isn't going around
[3111.0s] like trying to shit kick at the moment.
[3113.0s] That's what I do when
[3115.0s] I'm hurt, though. Yeah.
[3117.0s] Somebody just means, who can I hurt?
[3119.0s] So you hear over
[3121.0s] a porn
[3123.0s] PA system, and he says,
[3125.0s] Alright there, friends. Is everything all good
[3127.0s] with this Altand here? Are we good
[3129.0s] to head back to the guild?
[3131.0s] Yes, Danson.
[3133.0s] Onward. And
[3135.0s] you guys are just, you just
[3137.0s] hang out and it starts to speed away.
[3139.0s] Down the hall,
[3141.0s] we tune in with Flint and Flamikins
[3143.0s] So what the fuck, bud?
[3145.0s] Uh, what do you mean?
[3147.0s] You got, you got underwear or
[3149.0s] not?
[3151.0s] Oh.
[3153.0s] Everyone wants to know.
[3155.0s] The burning question that all of Faerun's
[3157.0s] been wanting to ask. I mean, I get that you
[3159.0s] trying to throw a dragon off it's
[3161.0s] whatchamacallit.
[3163.0s] This is a great room, by the way. Better than
[3165.0s] any boat I've been on.
[3167.0s] BT Dobs, I'm
[3169.0s] sticking with you guys until we get back to Waterdeep.
[3171.0s] And then I'm gonna find a boat.
[3173.0s] Cause, fuck dragons.
[3175.0s] Okay.
[3177.0s] So. It's fair, I guess. So what's your
[3179.0s] deal, man?
[3181.0s] Uh, well, see,
[3183.0s] um, and I start unbuttoning
[3185.0s] the top of my shirt.
[3187.0s] And I open
[3189.0s] the shirt and show her
[3191.0s] the, uh, blue dragon scale
[3193.0s] that is growing on my chest.
[3195.0s] Whew.
[3197.0s] That's weird as fuck.
[3199.0s] Uh, yep. Yep.
[3201.0s] Uh, so I have this,
[3203.0s] uh, this dragon in
[3205.0s] my mind. And he
[3207.0s] kinda
[3209.0s] can randomly just
[3211.0s] take over for me
[3213.0s] when shit's going south.
[3215.0s] So he doesn't wear underwear either.
[3217.0s] No, that's our
[3219.0s] little, uh, that's our little code to one
[3221.0s] another. So I know that he's in charge.
[3223.0s] Okay, so have you
[3225.0s] told the others?
[3227.0s] Uh, nope.
[3229.0s] Okay, so we'll just,
[3231.0s] okay, so you don't have underwear. And if that
[3233.0s] happens, I mean, I'll
[3235.0s] pants you and just prove that you don't have underwear.
[3237.0s] I,
[3239.0s] I mean, that's not really the point, but
[3241.0s] sure, knock yourself out. Alright.
[3243.0s] Sweet. So can I braid your beard?
[3245.0s] Tiny braids on each side,
[3247.0s] yes. Done! And
[3249.0s] uh, everybody,
[3251.0s] everybody kinda just drifts off
[3253.0s] to sleep.
[3255.0s] Would you say it's a long rest
[3257.0s] kinda?
[3259.0s] Um, and you wake up
[3261.0s] as the train begins to pull into
[3263.0s] the station
[3265.0s] at the guild, which you have seen before.
[3267.0s] Would you say it was a long rest?
[3269.0s] And you feel very rejuvenated.
[3271.0s] Oh, thank god. Very?
[3273.0s] Uh, like long rest rejuvenated.
[3275.0s] Rejuvenated.
[3277.0s] And you step off onto the platform
[3279.0s] and dance and says,
[3281.0s] I'll be right here waiting for you
[3283.0s] when you're ready to go.
[3285.0s] Neat, thanks buddy!
[3287.0s] Music
[3289.0s] Music
[3291.0s] Music
[3293.0s] Music
[3295.0s] Music
[3297.0s] Music
[3299.0s] Music
[3301.0s] Music
[3303.0s] You
[3305.0s] You
[3307.0s] You
[3309.0s] You
[3313.0s] Hey we detect
[3315.0s] real weird faces
[3317.0s] real weird faces
[3319.0s] And I'm trying
[3321.0s] And I'm trying to look
[3323.0s] One third of the skype windows
[3325.0s] up.
[3327.0s] up.
[3329.0s] So
[3331.0s] Oh, well, fuck it, whatever.
[3335.8s] Sorry, I'm just mumbling to myself.
[3338.8s] But you also come out with,
[3346.6s] I wrote a very poor list, I'm sorry guys.
[3350.6s] Is it venereal disease?
[3353.4s] Oh no, Flynn's the only weakness.
[3355.8s] Is it a long shaft, jewel-encrusted,
[3359.0s] not quite sure for the use of it?
[3361.9s] No, no.
[3362.8s] Good wait to it though, see if dishwasher's safe.
[3365.2s] Okay, also does turn out I can speak giant,
[3368.0s] I just was unaware of the fact that I can.
[3370.2s] So, sorry about that.
[3372.7s] Oh, you knew they were saying get the fuck in there.
[3375.4s] Okay, great.
[3376.3s] We need to get that hoard before the dragon gets back.
[3378.4s] Oh man, we could've waited until they all got in there.
[3381.9s] Sorry about that, guys.
[3384.6s] That's okay.
[3386.4s] Maybe, maybe we can just.
[3388.2s] Alaska woman.
[3389.4s] Maybe, maybe, I can't remember what voice I used
[3393.8s] for the damn wolf.
[3394.6s] I think she was just no nonsense.
[3399.0s] What the fuck, guys?
[3400.3s] I can't remember that.
[3401.7s] You gave it a woman.
[3403.5s] What the fuck, guys?
[3404.6s] Oh my God.
[3405.4s] Oh my God.
[3406.3s] Are you doing this?
[3408.9s] Just speaking irregular.
[3409.8s] You seem like Christian Slater,
[3411.4s] so how are you having to really weirding me out?
[3414.9s] Like your movements too, or like,
[3417.7s] like baby Jack Nicholson.
[3421.4s] Oh, man.
[3423.6s] So I'm pretty sure that's what Laska sounded like.
[3424.4s] I'm pretty sure I just used a regular voice for Laska.
[3426.5s] I don't think I did any sort of affectation to it.
[3430.0s] Do the Christian Slater voice.
[3433.0s] Maybe.
[3434.0s] No, that's different now.
[3434.8s] No, that was terrible.
[3435.6s] I can't even hold it.
[3436.5s] I can't even hold it.
[3437.3s] Somebody else would do Donnie's voice.
[3439.0s] No, that's Flamey Kinn's voice.
[3441.3s] Fuck, park the car on you.
[3443.6s] I haven't done Donnie's voice in a while.
[3445.6s] The way Laska gets into character is amazing.
[3447.8s] And he says, right on time, every time.
[3452.1s] No, I need a different voice
[3453.0s] because that's the same as every other fucking character.
[3456.9s] I get on the train as well, yeah.
[3459.5s] Oh yeah, I thought that was just implied.
[3460.9s] Yeah, me too, but then there was a pause,
[3462.6s] so I just wanted to make it explicitly clear
[3465.1s] that I have gone on the train.
[3466.4s] The train pulled away.
[3467.4s] New Laura's still standing by the waterfall.
[3470.0s] She didn't come on.
[3471.6s] We'll swing right by Alton there.
[3475.1s] No, fuck.
[3477.1s] We already established they were all running away.
[3479.6s] Yeah.
[3480.4s] No, no, no, I want to check on them, though.
[3481.2s] No, we should still go, I think.
[3483.2s] Oh, is BV still, is BV2 still there?
[3486.2s] Hopefully.
[3488.0s] He should be the last to go.
[3489.1s] He's feeding everyone.
[3490.9s] So yeah, Dancin says that they'll go, you'll.
[3493.9s] But how does he say it, Russ?
[3495.9s] I'm a storyteller.
[3496.9s] I'm a, fuck.
[3498.3s] Whimsical, you're whimsical, Russ.
[3499.2s] Right on time, every time.
[3500.3s] Okay, that's the phrase that pays.
[3504.9s] Is this a radio station contest?
[3507.5s] We'll swing by Alton there right away.
[3510.9s] It doesn't fucking matter.
[3511.9s] Dancin is, Dancin's all over.
[3514.9s] Dancin is accent fluid.
[3517.1s] You can't pin him down and be like,
[3518.5s] where'd you say you're from again?
[3519.9s] And he'd be like, oh, the ground.
[3524.5s] Wouldn't you like to know?
[3526.3s] Oh, citizen of the world, you know.
[3530.7s] We're gonna go swing,
[3531.6s] we're gonna go swing by there.
[3535.1s] Okay, here's what I think happened.
[3539.5s] I think he grew up as a poor Irish kid,
[3542.7s] but then got into a higher society
[3545.0s] and trained himself to get rid of that fucking accent.
[3548.8s] But in times of stress,
[3549.9s] it comes out and he can't help it.
[3554.2s] I'm a storyteller.
[3555.5s] I like it.
[3557.7s] Fuck it, we're going.
[3559.0s] Okay, whatever, I'll put it in post.
[3561.5s] Fuck it.
[3562.7s] Surprised New Laura doesn't have like a spiked faux hawk
[3566.3s] because she's been around all those dudes.
[3569.1s] Yeah, but just because you're around something a lot
[3571.3s] doesn't necessarily mean you become them.
[3573.9s] I don't know how that works.
[3574.7s] I can't believe New Laura's not like, already a dude.
[3578.9s] Or that's how that works, right?
[3580.4s] I can't believe New Laura's not-
[3581.2s] If you run enough testosterone,
[3582.1s] you'll just sprout a penis, right?
[3582.9s] You do, yes.
[3583.7s] Penis sprouting happens, it's a real thing.
[3585.7s] Look it up.
[3586.5s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.